Edwards

Today I saw John Edwards. Not the guy who talks to dead people, the hopeful candidate for vice-presidential fellow. I stood outside of the gym looking in, and, ironically, had a better view of him than most of the people that actually paid to get in. Sure the words were a little muffled, but he was still pretty clear. He made a lot of non-commital answers, typical. I was standing next to a nice looking fellow who I don't know, and really, still don't know. We had a nice discussion about politics and who we would vote for. I, myself, have not yet registered to vote. Mostly because I don't want to be affiliated with a political party. Also, I don't know who I'd vote for. Bush is bad, very bad. I don't know if Kerry is any better though. One of their campaign slogans is "Beat Bush! Vote Kerry!" That just says that Bush is terrible, which he is, but it says nothing about Kerry. And do we really want "A stronger America?" Perhaps I won't vote...or maybe I'll just register and vote for someone like Nader. Mystery man said that most likely he's going to vote Bush because he doesn't trust Kerry - too many flip flops. It was quite interesting, anyhow.
And then I went back to my room, in a relatively good mood, and improved it by making a smashingly good batch of eggs and tomatoes. This means my cooking repertoire has yet again expanded. I can make a complete Chinese meal now. I can now make that, beef and bell pepper, potatoes and onions, grilled cheese sandwiches, moro and of course, scrambled eggs (O and Rachel said that she really likes moro! Woo!). My next step towards culinary mastery is tofu. I just have to find time to go down to the Strip District to get some of the good kind.

Glass Port-a-potty

Today was surprisingly not too painful. We had quarter reviews today and Kai was sitting in on reviews. I thought he'd rip me apart about my unprofessionalism. Imagine my surprise when he seemed not only ok with what I had to present, but also enthusiastic. Things I need to think of are how to make things more architectural - aka all I have is a roof. My professsor suggested glass cube like things, and gave an example of a glass port-a-potty with trellises for privacy. Wierd, no? In any case, I have to now think on how I'm going to make things like portable rooms and justify it. It's a sad but true fact that architecture is largely being very good at BSing your way through things. I BSed an explanation for my engineering friend and he was utterly convinced. I think I'm getting very good BS. Yay.

Tipsy

Hi, I'm drunk...No I'm not, I'm just tipsy. For your information, I've never drank before. Well I have drunk before, but never as much, or as little..I don't know. All I had was a beer and a half inch of gin, which, by the way, tastes disgusting - like dirt. I think Rachel and Evan were either really amused or really worried or both. I'm actually having trouble typing. But I feel so much better right now in my mind than I have in a very long time. My stomach on the other hand feels terrible and I have a very strong urge to brush my teeth. Cigars, by the way, taste so terrible. Bitter, very bitter. Yuengling and dry gin, yucky, both yucky. All very yucky. I'm going to go brush my teeth, and lie down. Wait, can't lie down, stomach feels terrible...Still drunk is good, Evan says I'm the funnest drunk ever. I laugh at everything, I think the mech e. major I was sitting next to on the couch was kind of happy I was there. We played a photo game where I had to guess the famous person on the photo, except I couldn't remember a lot of the names, like Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins, I'm positive I could remember if I hadn't drank. Janis Joplin on the other hand, how could I possbily remember her? Anyway, I think I shall go brush my teeth and possibly make myself throw up. I definitely have to sleep though, I'm so sleepy...

Smouldering Malcontent

Today was even worse. My dull anger is now quite a bit more. I had a nice morning, did well in Japanese class, though I was a bit late. Did pretty well at the audition for Dancer Light, I suppose. But then I get into studio and I end up waiting till the very end of class, even after class, for a crit, and the professor completely misinterprets everything I'm trying to say. He's not even listening to what I'm saying and just refuting the small point that he believed to be incorrect and decided then rejected all my other ideas and criticized me about the lack of them before even giving me a chance to tell him the rest of what I did. I was quite angry actually, and I believe I actually stormed out of the studio. Yes, I'm pretty pissed.
And then when I get back to the room, I get a nice little Email from Kai, head professor, stating that I didnt' sign in on time and that meant that I was either late, absent or just plain irresponsible. I was actually early, and I didn't sign in because he usually left the sheet up till after the lecture. If I knew he was going to deviate from his habit like that I would have signed in the moment I got there. But no, he decided that I was a bad student. You know what? Maybe I am a bad student. I know for sure that right now I'm definitely an angry student and I'm pretty pissed at a lot of people. I feel like throwing things, breaking things, all sorts of manners of physical violence right now. Whatever.k

Dull Anger

I've been feeling angry lately. Angry at a lot of things. I don't think I realized how angry I've been feeling until my back muscles decided to knot up on me last night. What am I angry at? I'm angry at a lot of things, but not a fiery passion of rage angry, just an underlying tone of discontent in my mind, a little angry at this person, a little angry at that person - all adding up into frustration and a strong feeling of wanting to cry on Ben's shoulder without him trying to talk me into feeling better.
Who am I mad at? Well, I'm mad at dad for being so snobbish about a person that he hasn't ever met and being so pessimistic my priorities. Since when did I ever appear to want to quit school and have babies? When have I let emotions totally cloud my judgement?
I am mad at Zach, just now, for speaking so rudely to me, and apparently, thinking so badly of me. Lately he has been treating me like I'm some sort of lazy person, just because I made a few mistakes on my homework. Sometimes I just get things wrong. What makes me so lazy? I finished my work before everybody else did so I'd have time to compare answers. Maybe I didn't get it all right, but that's largely because I didn't confer with anyone else about how to go about solving things.
I'm mad at a particular someone for being too close-minded to see why I choose not to talk to him, and for being so close minded that he retreated back into his own little world and basically cut off any chance of even letting me talk to him again.
I'm mad at another particular someone for taking so long to realize something that he should have thought of long ago. He could have saved the both of us a lot of hurt if he could have pulled himself out of his own selfish world sooner and realized that I'm not the weakling he perceived me to be.
I'm mad at a lot of people in general, and partially at myself, because I can't communicate what I think. I feel like if I only knew the right words and gestures, people would see that I'm not stupid, I'm not lazy, I'm not a thoughtless weakling that is good for nothing. I don't lack ambition and I don't have a cluttered, useless mind.
And sadly, Ben won't have time to lend me his shoulder to cry on this weekend.

Statics and CFA

Today was a busy day, I suppose. I went to class, worked on my parti model for studio instead of eating lunch and had it totally trashed during crits. Ah well, I'm not too upset about it, I have some better ideas coming anyways. I did some statics homework, pretty much all the ones that I could do without going through ones we haven't done in class yet.
I spent last night hanging out with Ben. I really like him a lot (no, no love - I won't even consider love until after at least a year of dating). He calls me his Oren-Ishii, and "honey." I like it. It's sweet, it's endearing, it's cute, it's warm and fuzzy. Well, other than the fact that Oren is a cold hearted assassin who wears red spandex and shoots peoples brains out with sniper rifles. Still, it means he thinks I'm hot, and it's nice to know I'm hot.
I spent this evening over in the neo-Donner Dungeon. It's a lot louder than Dungeon West was. I first hung out with Corey and brought brownies, then I did homework over in Kevin's room - I'm surprisingly productive when around Kevin. Hmm, maybe I should visit him more often... Then, when I was tired of that, I went to Corey and Galen's room just to hang out and talk. There room, yet again, is the place for socializing. Most likely because they have four chairs, a couch and a table in the middle of the room to sit on. I met some lovely freshmen, a very good looking one that I might have liked more if Ben were a colder boyfriend, but he's not, so sorry my freshman friend. I mentioned never having to take math or physics again so he said, "O, you're one of Those people." "What people?" "Those CFA people." "Uh, yes, yes I suppose I am."
And then I turned the tables around by promptly solving a physics homework problem he was having trouble with (take that, superior engineering major!) and he realized I was an archie and stated, "O, well, that's ok then." I don't really think other CFA people have necessarily less work to do, we're just very good at wasting time and making ourselves look busy. Oops, I just gave away the school secret....
O yes, and a person who used to be my friend has decided to no longer be my friend. Saddened I am, however, if he feels like he would be happier completely shutting off yet another person from his life, so be it.

The Sea in my Brain

Have you ever had a bad case of swimmer's ear? I got water in my ear a few days ago during a shower and spent the next day not being able to hear. The water finally decided to dribble out of my ear after over a day of doing whatever it was doing to block my inner ear. I think I would go insane if that feeling of deafness were permanent.
I've been reading a book that my teacher told me to for studio. It's called "The Control of Nature," by John McPhee. I was a bit confused by it at first, even though it was a good read. Now I think I figured out why my teacher wants me to read it. The basic ideas that I got from it are, "all of nature is interconnected - you change one thing and everything is thrown off balance," and that nature is a relentless, inexorable force that will continue to bear down on whatever is thrown into its path. The former idea calls to mind a phrase from Dinotopia, "One drop raises the sea," and it does, it really does. I wish I could apply that to my project somehow - I'll have to figure out the parti model by tonight. All I know is that Nature shall affect the structure of the house, and the structure will in turn submit to nature. However, the structure will still serve its purpose in protecting its inhabitants. I am also considering making the house small, a spire in the air. It can't be big, not just because of our project parameters, but also because man is miniscule in the eye of nature. Keeping in the thought of "eyes," I'd also like to base my house aesthetically on the concept of being in the eye of the storm. Yes, this is the sort of thing that I spend a lot of my thoughts on. Crazy, no?

Miss America

Maybe this is wierd, but I just saw a girl I went to high school with on television, striding around in a teeny little bikini. Why? Because she's a semi-finalist for the Miss America Pageant. Talk about shocker, though I'm not really all that shocked. Good luck, Christina Ellington!

Bicycles

I feel disappointed in myself. Many of the things I do lately seem to be either half-assed, or I'm just completely incompetent. I found out yesterday that the saying where one never forgets how to ride a bicycle is completely false. I may be able to balance on one foot, releve, but I can't seem to stay on a bicycle anymore.
Studio seems to be going down the drain. This year we're really delving into the abstract sort of things like partis and such. I managed to avoid those last year, but now they're coming back to bite me in the derriere. I think differently from everyone, I can't help it if that's the way things are. What I think is perfectly understandable is incomprehensible to everyone else. Or maybe I'm not seeing things with a cleared mind. In any case, I'm just not motivated in studio at all. I don't really like the open-ended-ness in the schedule this year, and our professor is supposed to be focused on teaching us how to communicate, but I found out, especially at his lecture yesterday, that he himself can't really communicate. I think I should transfer into Damiani's studio - they get way more work than any other studio, but he has a lot of structure to his teaching and that's what I need right now. Actually, I don't think that's what I want, I don't even want any professor's opinion actually. All I really want is someone who understands what we're trying to learn - and I want that someone to really listen to my ideas. I feel like my best thinking is done when I'm trying to explain it to someone in an unrushed, non-public situation. I've tried thinking into my sketchbook, and occasionally that works, but it's not quite the same. I think I need a mentor of some sort. As for studio, I'm expecting a C...

Hat Head

This morning, I woke up to find that somehow in my sleep, I managed to style my hair. I didn't really do anything except roll over a few times and now my hair is flipped out, very similarly to Selphie's in Final Fantasy VIII. Rachel calls it "Crazy." I'm not sure if that's a good or bad comment, but I myself don't particularly care for the Selphie look, so I've been wearing my little commie hat around to class. I also decided today to wear my jeans - something also commented on by Rachel. She asked if she'd ever seen me wear those before, which she has, but I doubt she'd remember because I nearly never wear jeans. I just figured it'd go nicely with my hat. A reason why I never wear them is because they're incredibly tight, and it made me feel like I had to constantly go to the bathroom (not a UTI, just the fact that it was cinched around my waist and pressing down on my bladder.)
Anyhoo, many things have happened. Yesterday I managed to call my mom, after trying to for three days. I informed her about Ben and she seemed somewhat dubious. She called back later to inform me of several things including the fact that dad does not approve. I think I'll ignore him on that count, since his reason for disapproval is that Ben only goes to a tech college. That annoys me because going to an expensive university like CMU does not mean that someone is actually all that hard a worker. I know plenty of dead beats that go to school, drink all weekend and get straight Cs or just fail out of classes completely. Ben on the other hand attends classes every morning, works most nights, gets straight As and has perfect attendance. So there, dad, nyah!
Also, last night, in an effort to complete my statics homework ahead of time and have a free Wednesday night, I went to the Underground Cafe in search of my classmate, Patrick. What I found instead was Alvin, from my high school, and his friend, also from DHS. Ironic since just the other day, mom had asked if I'd managed to find Alvin and that I should ask to meet him, and there I was, just coincidentally bumping into them. Now I have to take the same exact flight as them home, even though I'm going to end up skipping statics just for that...
O yes, and it seems that this semester is the best drawing class ever. The teacher actually held up the picture I drew as a good example of what we were trying to achieve. Being that he hadn't done that since first semester last year, I was quite pleased that he finally approved enough. He also said he liked the "graphic quality" of my drawing, whatever that means. But yes, I'm in a good mood. I'm going to keep trying to do my very best - I anticipate a C in studio so I have to try to balance that out with my other classes. Hopefully I can get an A in drawing, though I doubt it. I know I can pull As in statics and Japanese, and possibly history. We'll see...
O, and Rachel got the Sims 2, it's quite awesome.

hat haze

A while ago I went with some classmates to the site that we have to work on for our next project. It was horrible. There was poison ivy everywhere (I haven't started scratching yet, so I assume I avoided it all), and there were bugs, and it was hot, and I kept thinking about ticks. The trails were overgrown, the site was an abandoned tennis court that had gorgeous surroundings. The tennis court itself was quite rotten, no more nets, smashed glass everywhere. We had to climb a steep gravel path and crawl through a hole in the fence to get in.I had trouble getting down and I needed one classmate to hold my hand so I could get down...
I just went to Giant Eagle to buy some groceries. On the way back, I was quite toasty with three bags of groceries weighing me down. On my way to the bus stop, a man mistakened my "sweaty and withered glare" as a "come hither stare" and commented me on my hat matching my outfit. I noticed he looked unsavoringly like Steven Segal so I glared harder and mumbled a thanks as I hurried down the street. I didn't even find everything I was looking for. I have to run down to CVS later to get some stuff...jolly.

Strange Awakenings

Well, I wasn't really asleep. I was about to go to sleep. I was sitting in front of the tv, watching the rest of "Milk Money" on television, with my little bucket of facial cleaning products, teeth cleaning prodects and hair brush sitting beside me when the door suddenly opens, me just about to go to bed. In comes Rachel and Evan, and two people - I've never seen them before. Totally bewildered is a good description for me. I was sitting around in my pajamas with a bucket next to me. And four drunk people suddenly come in. They start drinking water and one uses the bathroom. Evan sits in Rachel's chair and explains that they're all drunk. Matt or whatever his name is from Penn State (what on earth is he doing out here?) is smelling heavily of alcohol, sitting next to me on the couch holding a door handle talking about starting fights. Yes, bewildered. They start asking me what I'm watching. I tell them I'm watching "Milk Money." I surreptitiously tuck my bucket beneath the couch. I wonder if I left anything potentially incriminating or embarrassing in the bathroom. I wish I had completely washed the dishes, or maybe not changed into my pajamas just yet. I notice my panda sitting in plain view staring at the fire extinguisher and after a bit, a very tall classmate of Evan's - the bathroom user. I'm sure the panda was just as confused as I was. I think my eyes were very big. "5 minutes, just 5 minutes," Rachel assured me. I actually didn't mind all that much, they weren't really bothering me. I just kept thinking about what was in the bathroom. Also I was somewhat relieved Ben decided not to stay the night - drunk people seeing two people sleeping in one bed, I think that would be sort of embarrassing. I think tonight was quite strange and yet quite nice. I think I'll ask Rachel more about it later. I'm also wondering if I could spend time with Ben tomorrow, since he has the day off of work, and I only have a little homework. I need to go to Polish Hill tomorrow - I wonder how I'll get there. I wonder if Ben's interested in going. I wonder if I can actually find it. I wonder if maybe I should just harass my neighbors to give me a ride. I think I'm too tired. I think I'm babbling too much. I think this was a very strangely composed entry - but probably about the most interesting one in a while. Good night.

Boyfriend?

Today while hanging out with Ben, I tentatively mentioned him being a boyfriend. He seemed to not even stop to nod at the statement. I have a boyfriend? A real live boyfriend that's affectionate and wants to spend time with me and talk to me on the phone? I have a boyfriend!
O yes, and Rachel bought a universal remote for the television. I can watch Sex and the City again! My week hasn't started yet and it's already complete!

Ben

I met a wonderful fellow named Ben a while back. I like him a lot. I think he likes me too. Pretty sure about it. In any case, he kissed me goodbye last night. I'm still giddy and happy from that. O yes, and he held my hand. I would never have thought those little things would make me so happy, but it does. It really makes me happy to know someone might want to hold my hand.
I think I'm a lot sappier than I always thought I was. I think that's not a bad thing.

Fried

I just ate dinner. Being that I hadn't eaten anything significant since around 7 pm last night, the food was a tremendous relief. Last night I worked in studio, all night almost. I left at 4:30 am - the reason for leaving? It'd be so long since I had a chance to brush my teeth that I could feel the plaque on them. When I got back to the room, I decided I would sleep a couple hours and go back to work. I ended up waking up right on time for my first class of the day, leaving 3 hours to complete my project - which is why I didn't eat lunch. And then we had a large, long review session where I watched my professors bicker amongst one another and come to an agreement that we all did very poorly on our projects. Mine, apparently, was poorer than most. I got a C. I never was much for communication anyway, and that's what this project is about. Surprised? No. Saddened? Yes. I think I need to find some books about communicating through drawing. Maybe I should ask Rachel, she's a communication design major, I figure she'd have some insight.
Our next project has me quite excited. We are going to design small houses at a specific lot about a mile away from CMU campus for specific clients. Mine is a weatherman. At first I was pretty disappointed - my classmates got things like "the photographer" or "the artist" or "the fashion designer." But then I thought about what designs weather patterns could inspire, and from the brief description of my weatherman, I can already find some limits. For one, when he was small, he crawled out the window of his room and sat on the roof under an umbrella until lightning struck across the street. What I get from that is that while he loves the weather, he likes it from a safe distance. That I can understand, it's similar to me and bugs. I can work from that. I think I'd be happier with "the Sculptor" though. She likes to sit in a high place and sculpt, the shaping of a form makes her feel powerful and confident. It's the ivory tower imagery I get, with a feeling of total and absolute confidence, a feeling that I crave and would like to recreate somehow. I wonder if I can get the person with "the Sculptor" to trade with me. I think I'll be just as jolly with my weatherman however.

Wild Pittsburgh

On my way back from Margaret Morrison, I saw a stray cat - so cute and cuddly, just like the kitty I used to have, and a little bunny rabbit, just outside of my apartment. Cats I can understand in Pittsburgh, but the rabbit? That was totally unexpected. For a moment, without my glasses, of course, I thought that maybe a) the cute kitty followed me around just like my own kitty used to do (or rather, she used to walk me to school) or b) that there were just flocks of cute strays that look exactly like my kitty or c) I am way too tired to be walking around at night, which I'm not, by the way, not tired at all.
Today I went out with Ben. I had only planned to hang out with him a couple of hours, I don't think he expected to stay so long either. I think he got here around 4 o' clock and we went walking for a few hours, I showed him the sites around campus. And then we went back to the room where Rachel and Evan were baking cookies. Ben and I lounged on my bed and chatted while burning smells, but such yummy burning smells in my opinion, wafted through the air. It was a very nice day overall I think, though Ben didn't try any cookies. They were quite yummy, I enjoyed the burnt ones quite a bit. I feel I like Ben more and more, I kind of wished he'd tried to kiss me today, but I suppose he's too much of a gentleman - that, or my lips were a bit too chapped to look particularly smoochable. Oh well. Anyway, we talked about hanging out again on Friday - now that he's seen the world I reside in, it's his turn to show me his world.
As for the rest of the evening, I managed to do all but three of the problems we had for statics homework. One of them I'm completely lost on, the other two I have very good ideas what's going on, except my results differ from the answer key. Then I decided to go do some drafting in studio around midnight, but first, I made a pit stop at Donner for a little over an hour and chatted with a bunch of my friends there. I think today was overall a very good day.

Moro Madness

Today I made "moro", just like Marlen's mom makes it. Well, not quite like Marlen's mom makes it, but it tastes pretty good so far. I was going to have my friend come over and eat with me (he couldn't eat beans or onions so I was going to fry some potatoes for him), but he left very suddenly. I'm not too sure why he left, but it has me a little sad.
At least the moro tastes good.

Vertigo

Today I had my very first ever case of vertigo - mild vertigo. It was not fun. The room started tilting and things got progressively worse as I talked to Ben on the phone. I even huddled in the bathroom for a bit - this is, by the way, standard procedure for when I feel like I'm going to puke. Though at home, I usually huddle at the door of the bathroom. Wierd, no?
Anyway, I didn't throw up in the end - I never do. The last time I threw up was in the fifth grade, and I remember the experience all too clearly to ever want to toss my cookies again.
I decided to lie down a while after consulting WebMD to make sure it's not some wierd allergic reaction to the walnuts I had just consumed. I'm not itchy or having diificulty breathing, so I deduced that it was just as case of vertigo.

Edgy at the Edge

Today I was in East Liberty. For those of you who are not from or have ever been to Pittsburgh, it's a run down sort of area, weedy in many spots. Why was I there? Well there was an art gallery opening today. Yes, a Manhattanite art gallery called Edge Studio located on a corner next to a seedy deli that has "BEER" written above a door, and a strip joint with graffiti garishly sprawling over it across the street. Not that Edge is any run down place at all - it's actually very techy and fashionable and all the people there were techy and fashionable. I was there in my ratty student attire, but my beautiful workers cap from G-Star helped me blend in and look Manhattan-chic trendy like. Not that I would've cared anyway. I saw a lot of my classmates - I never realized it before, but many of them are metrosexual, flare jeans on men are strangely attractive, it's like the 70s again. Just as long as mustaches don't come back into fashion...ick.
As for the work itself, apparently several of the students from each year in architecture were selected to show their final projects at the studio. I went to cheer on Gabriel, nice fellow who was in studio all last year with me and is now in my Japanese class. Very cool fellow. I wish I was that creative...

Konbanwa! I greet you now at approximately 3 am. I have just sort of kind of completed my homework for studio tomorrow. The first few days of classes were quite nice and easy, little bits of homework here and there, confusing lectures, boring lectures, lectures I don't remember because I slept through them. Tonight was the kicker, I shouldn't have left things to the last minute...again. O well, I suppose that's my own fault. I think I'll give myself a lot of time to fix things up over the weekend and make it perfect.
One thing that has taken up a lot of my time this week was the mentor program. I find it to actually be quite impressive. There is a ten year plan for it and we're some of the first people to seriously get into it. I have a few kids that I'm hopefully going to be able to mentor. I have to find their emails and invite them to the "chow and chat" where mentors take their little mentees into the bowels of Pittsburgh and show them around a bit. I think maybe I'll just leave them little notes and tell them to RSVP through email. I also thought that perhaps I should start the letters off with, "Congratulations! (Or perhaps, my condolences?) I, Angela, will be your mentor for this year." I think it'd be quite amusing.
O and on a side note, as I was leaving Maggie Mo a while ago, a big yellow jeep full of drunken people - yes drunk, I could smell them as they slowed down - decided to notice me. One of them yelled, "Nice building! Is it yours?" As silly as that is, I couldn't help but smirk a little as I walked away.