Dear Mom

...you really suck. Let me count the ways.

At a family dinner, you yell at me in front of everyone for being a pig and eating too much bread. In reality, I've only had 1 slice.

And then you go on to tell a made-up story about how I'm such a pig, that I start eating anything you put on the dinner table before the table's even set. Never have I EVER done that. May and dad will pick at it, and I generally sit down to eat after they do.

You tell me just after I've eaten that I'm really fat.

You sit down in a row with Gramma and your best friend and proceed to go on with them for half an hour about how fat I've gotten and that it's really bad, and that one day I'm going to be obese because I make bad decisions and don't know how to eat well.

This is all on top of the fact that you have never had a single nice thing to say to me in the entirety of my life. Dad will say, "Very good," if I get a 100 on a test. You will go, "Where's the extra credit points?" May gets similar treatment from you.

Many a time when I come home, the first thing you say to me is, "Go bake a cake for me." What happened to hello?

You never have anything nice to say about any of my boyfriends. Nothing. You never want to meet them, and all you do is spend time talking trash about a man you know nothing about to me and to all of your friends.

The reason I never come home and visit is because of you. I don't want to be around you because all you can do is tell your daughters that they don't know anything, and that they're ill-qualified to do anything right in the world. You're irrational, loud, rude, narrow-minded and completely backwards.