Stranded

New York is a lonely city. You're surrounded by so many people, but because the culture is to turn inwards and people don't speak to each other on the streets, you might as well be alone. You make of it what you will, and you go out and try to meet new people. It's so tiring to meet new people. I'm glad I have Estee and my cousins. I'm glad I know Christina's around and Marlen's around somewhere, and some classmates that I talk to. I'm glad that some of the girls at work occasionally spend off hours going to a show or a dance class with me. I just feel this constant nagging and I fear it's a growing dissatisfaction with distance. It didn't bother me so much when I was in Pittsburgh and everything was fast-paced, draining and I lived with friends who I could chat and argue with at the end of the day. But now, just living with my grandmother who I have to hide things from and pretend to be a good little girl...I really need to get back into the swing of things somehow.

Today on the train, a little old Chinese lady and I were both standing. When a seat opened up, I waved her towards it and she laughed and shook her head telling me to take it. When another space opened up, she finally took the seat, knowing I wouldn't be stranded because of her. And then when we got off at the last stop, I helped her figure out where she was trying to get to. I suppose there's small things like that that make New York a little less lonely.