I don't know what I want to write about, right now. I just feel like I ought to update about things. I spent most of today in the woodshop working on my project. I hope that one day, I'll have the time to make projects of my very own. Project number 1: Chess boards. I personally don't like the game at all - strategy just can't hold my interest. However, chessboards are such aesthtically pleasing things and so simple that you can do so much with them. I think I'd like to make around four completely unique, custom boards for my chess playing friends and family. Then they can show off my work. Woodshop - I quite like working with wood, but the only thing that bothers me about it is the noise. Loudly noises are very scary. I'm constantly twitching when I'm in there because of all the noises. Still, if I had the choice, I'd spend a lot more of my "free time" in there, just making gorgeous chess boards and sets for those that I know will appreciate them.
Another project that's been on my mind since the fall is the creation of a picture book. I want to do something like "the sights of Schenley." Even though it's not a unique park or anything (if anything, I heard it's extremely dangerous to go there alone) I fell in love with it in a detached, not actually there, sort of way. Nature is beautiful, when I'm comfortably sitting in my room far away from it. I'd like to take photos of the park and put together a nice coffee table book, something to leaf through and remember one of the reasons why architecture seemed like a good major.

I was just reading through my previous blogs and I realized that for a site titled "In Pursuit of Something Interesting to Say," there's really nothing particularly interesting on this site. All I every do is talk about my day with a woe is me attitude (not only are my days boring, the self pity I exhibit is excruciatingly revolting) and give much discourse about my lack of a love life. (Though I must admit, most of my day is spent thinking about my love life. I'll bet if I did get someone, my work that I produce for studio would be ever so much better, because I would spend my time thinking about work instead of how to best seduce whomever has my interest at the moment or wondering what couples do in fact tlak about. Ah yes, me and my incredible, unusual lack of experience in the relationship department. It really is amazing how peopel talk to me about their love lives when I have less knowledge about it than anyone - that is of course, only if you compare me to someone who is older than six. If you were to compare me to a six year old, I'd say we were about even. Ack! I've drifted! Must get back to the issue at hand.)
And so, in an effort to spruce up my site with more interesting things, I shall give an opinion: Scones are good. So are windfarms. I don't believe I much care for many shades of blue - perhaps I should change by blog's looks?
More opinions of more important topics to follow as I attempt to actually read the news occasionally.

It seems that I've been updating my blog more often than many of my friends do. Now the question is does anyone ever read it?
Well, I'm still obsessing over Tears for Fears and I'm somewhat better rested now that I just woke up from my 5 hour nap - imagine my surprise when I woke up at 11! Though, I still feel kind of tired - getting one day's worth of sleep over the course of three days does that I suppose.
I got my room draw number today. I am number 777 out of 1280...I guess I might not get to live on campus, unless someone I want to live with gets a better number. Now comes the time where I wonder if I should ask my roomie if she'd like to live with me again. I would like to live with her again, she's a cool roomie - but I dunno what she thinks about living with me. I think it's quite amusing - 777. Since 666 is a sign of a devil, does this perhaps mean that I'm one above satanic? Though for the sake of room draw, I would have preferred 666.

Yet again, I'm posting when I should really be working. I really want to get everything done before midnite, especially since the last time i slept was for 4 hours which ended at 2 am. Strangely, I'm not tired, probably because I've been on the go all day. I worked in the computer lab from 2 am till 12:30 pm, missing the sunset because I was at a computer facing the wall (poo, that would've been the first I'd seen since high school ended). and then I went to eat and went right back to work at...2? Finished up at 6. Went to my room, fixed up my English paper and then went to orchestra for an hour. Then with my violin case (11 pounds) my physics book (5 pounds) a bag of groceries (around 8 pounds I'd say) and my usual backpack, I climbed up 3 flights of stairs twice for the sake of my studio. Now, I should either study for my physics exam tomorrow (too tired for that) or do my reading for English (I think I could handle that). O and all of this happened with me accompanied by my CD player playing Tears for Fears - my current obsession. O and did I mention that before that fiasco of an all nighter, I'd already spent most of my Saturday in the lab as well? From 2:30 pm till 9 pm... I'd say that adds up to 24 hours, which is why when I saw my English teacher today I told him that the archie girl in class who said we probably each spend 12 hours a week in studio or at least doing studio work was horrifyingly off. 12 hours is around how much we spend a day...
O and I have recovered from my failure after a nice chat with my best buddy from home where I finally realized that as good looking as a guy is, if he has too many flaws that are so apparent, then perhaps it's better that I don't end up with him. Still, it would have been nice to have someone to hug or to be hugged by for Valentine's Day. Maybe that way I wouldn't feel like such an old maid. Ah well, I suppose I've waited about 19 years (more like 18 plus 10 months), I could wait longer. Meanwhile, it seems that my friend has accumulated a whole following and they're vying for her attention. I would like to know how she does it and then exploit that skill for all its worth.

I do believe I quite like "Hey Jude."
And keyword of today - Failure.

Guess how much sleep I got the night before last night! 3.5 hours! Guess how much I got last night! 2 hours! Guess how tired I was today! Very! I actually nodded off a bit in my Interp class, and that's just about the most interesting class I have. I'm very disappointed with myself. Nevertheless, I managed to get a nice long nap today right after classes ended.
Yesterday, we spent a lot of the day researching La Maison a Bordeaux, a very interesting house built by Rem Koolhaas, a professer at Harvard. I was little taken aback that my friend Zack practically yelled at me for spending my time looking for information online. But then, later, when he actually looked at what I found, he was quite impressed. Thank goodness for the french, because they are the ones who made what I found different from what the others found (I also suspect that what the teachers really like about our research was what the house was based on - which I found). And yes, the teachers were actually happy. They said, "You guys are right where we want you to be." I positively glowed, though I worry they're just trying to be nice so that no more of us cry.
I was a little sad when my partner, Nate, said he wouldn't ever work with Zack again. Though I agree, Zack does too much, he's still a very good person to work with. I guess they're too different. Zack is the hardworking boy from the close family who will always stick to the rules, whereas Nate is just as hardworking, but chooses to spend more time with a life outside of work. Sometimes I'm amazed that I could be friends with both (though I'm much more surprised Nate would be my friend than anything - those types of guys usually think I'm an idiot and stay away).

Happy Imbolc everyone! Well, it was Imbolc until about 3 hours ago. Now it's just February third. For those of you who don't pay attention to pagan religion, this is the non-Christian version of Valentine's Day which dates all the way back to before ancient Rome. In fact the way in which the Romans practiced it (which I find very amusing) is that their priests of Pan would run through the streets with goat pelts, whacking women in order to bestow a blessing of fertility. Needless to say, I much prefer the modern Hallmark version of Imbolc, filled with chocolates, flowers, cards, hugs and kisses.
So Valentine's Day is closing in on me. In just twelve days, I'll be able to look back on my life and see what a failure my romance life is. Yes, I was one of those sad depressed people in high school who never got anything Valentine related on Valentines Day. I might have worn black once in protest, but I can't seem to remember. It seems tacky now that I think of it. I think a more effective protest would have been to carry a big sign that says "I hate you all, you cowards who can't see beyond the surface!" Though, being obscure as ever, I don't think anyone other than I would understand what I meant. Maybe it'd be better that way, I'll just be misunderstood. Or maybe I'll just be bitter and mope as usual.

Well, yesterday was a very interesting day. Or rather, the day wasn't all that different. When night fell, things got interesting. Rachel invited me to a design party and after I had heard about the great time she had Friday, I thought I might check it out. Unfortunately, when we got there, we found a crowd that was too old and air that was too thick with tobacco. Tobacco is about the most disgusting thing to smell. It makes my stomach turn.
And then there was also the angry drunk ex of Rachel who chatted with me about the relationship over AIM. Boy was I glad it was over the internet. He sounded like he would've gotten very loud had he been here. I'm not too good with dealing with drunk people, but I've learned that it's best not to reason with them too much. Just let them flutter along and then ground them when they're sober.
Another thing, someone who is quite important to me here at CMU told me something very important pertaining to her life. I'm quite honored that she trusts me enough that she'd tell me this so I'm not going to go blabbing what it is and who it is. It was very interesting when she told me. I always wondered how I'd act in such a situation and I think I'll just say that Mr. Hintze would be proud.

I despise popups. I went to a friend's site which apparently is hosted by spyware - spyware which tried very hard to take over my browser so that everytime I opened up Internet Explorer, I'd get big white screens that wouldn't let me do anyting except hit Alt-F4. Stupid Spyware, changing my home page back to MSN. But ha! I have Ad Aware and I got rid of the spyware hack stuff and now I can write about my boring old feelings on my blog.
Today I feel unaccomplished. As wonderful as it is that the teachers finally approve of my bench, it makes me sad that 1) the bench isn't all that interesting - it's just a bunch of egg crates stuck together and 2) I still think it's ugly. I just know when it comes time for us to present at the end of the semester, I will be looked over yet again, just like every other time in my life. I feel like all I've ever been is status quo. Despite the fact that I'm above average in intelligence, no one has ever said anything like "Wow, it's Angela, the really smart girl." Similarly no one has ever been even slightly in awe of my violin playing or my dancing, or my artwork or really anything I do. All I ever am is average. Right now I just wish I stood out in some way - even as "that scary girl in the corner who is very b****y." However all I ever seem to come off as is "O yah, Angela. She's cool, really negative though." And then there's nothing else to talk about. I'm not sure what it is exactly that makes me so boring. Right now I wish I was special. I wish I had someone who really understands what it's like to work so hard all one's life and get nothing out of it. I wish I could be really really good at something.

I feel much better today. I woke up on time, and the printer worked for me. Though, I was still extremely crappy feeling in physics. I kind of took it out on Richard so I feel bad. I must find time to make it up to him - and Kevin too. I was a bit harsh towards him too. Then in Interp I got my paper back and the teacher actually approved! Woohoo! And then in studio, I showed my revised concept and model and they approved! YAY! My happiness revolves around two people - Dee and Burns - sad as that may sound. (Dee and Burns, by the way, are my studio teachers, for those of you who don't live in my hell hole).
On the other hand, while I was the only one to cry on Wednesday, there were two today. I think they're starting to feel really bad about it because they kept coming back to studio and checking on the girls to see if they were okay, which I think is very nice. And I know they feel bad, so I feel bad that they feel bad and now I sound redundant and like a wimpy high school girl. And with that, I'll stop writing before I sound dumber.

Bad week. Need hug.
I just messed up an online quiz for physics (aren't we supposed to be able to take them as many times as we want?). 0 out of 10 - I guess I should've tried a little harder. Guess I'll just have to beg the teacher tomorrow, assuming I wake up on time.
I think Dee and Burns have killed my love for the bench project. I had a dream during my much needed nap today that I was bringing up a new bench and Burns turns to me and goes, "I don't even want to look at it." Wonderful sense of optimism I have, huh?

Incidentally, some good news today - I had sent in a maintenance request this morning because our room has consistently been colder than the hallway - which I figure is odd because when I complained to the neighbors who control our thermostat yesterday, their room was sweltering. And yay! A repair guy came today around 2 - absolutely amazing that they responded this quickly, though perhaps it has something to do with the possibility that the temperature may threaten our health. So apparently the case is that our heaters are so clogged from dust and not being cleaned in years that the dust keeps most of the heat in the heaters. Because of that, the heater doesn't even work unless the thermostat is turned up to 3 or 3.5 (as opposed to the usual 2 that my neighbors have it on), so he went over to speak with the neighbors about it and yay! Let there be heat!
Unfortunately, the maintenance request about my curtains haven't been answered - it'd be nice to have privacy once in a while...

All of yesterday I worked hard to improve my bench. I started working right after drawing, basically, and worked until 11:30 at night. Though I did buy dinner, I basically neglected it in my total and absolute euphoric enthusiasm for the current project. I wasn't there because I had to be there, I wanted to work hard and be unnecessarily wasteful in order to make my beautiful bench. I went to bed happy. That was last night.
Right now, I'm stuffing down the Oreos that I bought Sunday night. I am really really glad I bought them, as they are the closest thing to chocolate I have in this room. AKA, my beautiful bench was shot down and de-feathered mercilessly. Oh, they tried to be nice after I started crying (well not crying exactly, just my nose got stuffy and my eyes got kind of puffy and and shiny), and sure they were encouraging, but still, they are basically blaming me for something out of my control. I think it's a gorgeous bench, they think it's ugly. It's totally subjective, and they want something that I find to be rather hideous. I don't think they realize that I'm the one who's going to be staring at it for the rest of my life. But yes, I cried and after they spent a lot of extra time trying to cheer me up (which is exactly the wrong thing to do for me) I went to the bathroom and cried some more. Then I went back into studio and got back to work. Thankfully, John's a guy and he doesn't go "Omigosh, Angela. Are you okay?" I don't know exactly what I'd do if anyone had done that. Probably either a) cried some more or b) gotten angry and refused to acknowledge anyone. Crying is bad, I hate crying.
Pardon me while I return to my Oreos.

My bench for studio is ugly. It's like bad patio furniture from KMart, says my professor. Sadly, I completely agree. I need to work on aesthetics most, I think. I'm so wrapped up in concept that I forget or can't find a compromise when it comes to making things look nice. Ironic, being that I got into architecture because I felt that other peoples' houses were ugly and I wanted to make beautiful things.

As I sit here in the overheated Preger lab, where I really should be working so that I can get to bed at a reasonable time, I find that it is time for another blog update. I came to a conclusion a few days ago, Friday, specifically, that I'm too picky about what I talk or write about. Why discard a perfectly good line of thought just because it doesn't seem to be something that would incite deep thought and long conversations? You never know what could trigger that most mind blowing epiphany of your life. For example, on my way into the building, I yet again walked by the ornate black metal doors that are exactly on the opposite side of the building from the elevator. I've noticed them before but where do they go? There's a little button on the side, as is revealed by close inspection. So perhaps it's an elevator, or at least it was at some point in time of the building's history. If it is in fact an old elevator, then how come we aren't using it. Doesn't it seem odd that a school that can give me around $16000 in grant money can't pay to have an elevator installed for the sake of poor tired architecture students? Ah well, I must get back to work.

Guess how much sleep I got! Guess, Guess! Okay, well even if you were to guess I couldn't tell you if you were right or not, so I'll tell you. A whole 6 hours, waking up at 1 pm! Which means, yes, I went to sleep at 7 am. I think I might be doing something like that again today, since Dancer Symposium auditions run till 11 tonight and I still have to do my english and my physics and the computer portion of my studio homework. So sad I am. Perhaps one day I'll get to sleep as long as I could want.

And it's me again! At 2:40 in the morning. And this time, I'm posting from a MAC. The layout is different - I don't know if I like that yet. So I'm still at studio working, because tomorrow, I have Dancer Symposium tryouts and orchestra, and I fully intend to attend both of those and thoroughly enjoy myself away from architecture. I do like architecture, but thinking of benches even in my sleep is kind of...well, not good. I dreamed I was sitting on a really awesome bench last night, unfortunately, it's the kind that you can't take apart and put in a 20 x 12 x 8 inch box. Oh if only my dreams could do my process work for me - then I could sleep more.
O yes, and as you can see, I decided not to go to the party tonight. My roomie was feeling down and didn't want to go, and when I thought about it, I didn't really want to go anyway. It really would suck all the energy out of me. I was reading a site about personalities and they have one form of categorization that splits people between extroverted and introverted. I read the descriptions and this is what I found at www.keirsey.com - "They prefer to pursue solitaryactivities, working quietly alone with their favored project or hobby, however simple or complicated it may be, and such isolated activities are what seem to charge their batteries. Indeed, the Reserved can remain only so long in contact with others before their energies are depleted. If required by their job, family, or social responsibilities to be expressive or outgoing -- to make a great interpersonal effort -- they are soon exhausted and need alone time in quiet places to rest and to restore their depleted energy. Thus, if Reserved persons go to a noisy cocktail party, after a short period of time -- say, half an hour -- they are ready to go home. For them, the party is over, their batteries are drained." Eh la! C'est moi! At last, a reason why I don't like parties! Other than the drinking that is - drinking which I still saw quite a bit of in my studio - no they weren't drinking, but they were toppling drunk when they walked in.
Anyway, I should get back to work. Good night.

The extent of my exhaustion - this morning when my roomie got up for work at 9:10, I bolted up in bed and went, "Oh S***! Oh wait, it's Saturday..."
I think the tedium of yesterday was relaxing though. I find that perspectives are fun to draw, though spending half an hour in single digit weather and verging on frostbite was a most unfortunate and unwelcomed precursor. And I did some sewing yesterday, too. Fixed my friend's chair and promised to mend his coat, and in return, a backrub! Woohoo! Though I think kI ought to get at least another backrub for doing the mending for him. I kind of feel like his mother. O yes, and I discovered a whole new world of piano happiness in the form of the Music Tech Center, filled with pianos and headphones.
So I think I'm going to go to a party tonight - it's 80s night at one of my friend's frat. I figure I haven't partied since Halloween and that wasn't too bad. I'll just have to find someone to dance with, because that's the only fun of parties. It's unfathomable how people enjoy drinking. My neighbor was sitting on the toilet with her head over the trashcan for 2 hours last night because she felt horrible, and drunk people were swaying in the halls being loud at 3 am. I even asked them to be quiet, though I don't think my words penetrated that cloudy stupor of inebriation. Drinking is bad, and the worst part is that the worst drinkers are so out of it that they can't remember how terrible it is and just continue to dig a deeper grave for their livers. So yeah, I won't be drinking at the party.

So, I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day and he pointed out to me just how depressing my blog can be. To brighten the mood I shall offer two neutral, if not positive, observations:
1) I tried my first scone today. It was an apricot scone. I've decided that I like apricot scones. Perhaps I will also enjoy the Maple Tea scone?
2) I watched a very good movie today - "Infernal Affairs." It's a Cantonese movie with Andy Lau and Tony Leung. Very good movie about an undercover cop vs. a triad mole.

Well, less than one week and I have to leave, and right now I have a HUGE headache. Never fall asleep on the couch, bad neck support.
I don't know what I want right now. On one hand, I would love to stay in good old Connecticut and just mooch or work at some trivial job for minimum wage and not use my brain. On the other, I really want to be creative and do interesting things, thus go back to CMU. The only thing is, there are two things I'm really dreading about Pittsburgh. One is that I'm immensely worried about getting mugged on the way back to campus. I've heard that it's a nice city and such, but I can't help but feel like a great big target lugging around such a large suitcase. I'm also dreading having to wake up at 7:30 or something every morning. Since I have to work late every night, that will be difficult. But maybe I can get stuff done during lunch...
Well, my headache won't let me think any more, so i must be off. Time to take some aspirin.