Wondering

So I got my studio grade just now. I got a B which is what I really was hoping for. Well, it was a B-, but still, I got the B. I really wonder why I'm sad and yet really uncaring, and why I'm so relieved with getting a B. It isn't great, it isn't at all what I ought to be wanting for my grades. Maybe it's just this year that has me so down, maybe it's the whole studio situation.
I really wonder what I'm doing here sometimes. Even though I decided in high school that I wanted to be an architect, I never really had a clear idea as to why I wanted architecture, and what I would do in the architecture field. I find that I'm so much more interested in other things - the bookbinding class I'm taking next semester has me much more excited than studio. Studio, in fact, I am dreading. As usual. So I wonder, what am I doing here? Maybe I really need to rethink what my goals are. But then again, it's already fourth year. I think it's already too late to turn back. So I guess I'll just have to finish out my time here and think about what I really want to do when I leave school.
I think right now all that's really keeping me here is the fact that I've spent so much time working towards this degree. That and the fact that with the architecture degree, I can have a lot more options than if I were to have a comm design or art degree. I sometimes wonder if I should have done communication design because I spent so much time in school figuring out how to make books and working on layouts. I just had no idea that that was communication design. In fact, I never heard of communication design until I lived with someone who had it for her major.
And then there are those times when I'm so excited about architecture. I really wanted to work for Archi-tectonics, and I'm really hoping for that job with LWMA. Maybe it's just the atmosphere here at school that's getting me down. Everyone's depressed, no one's really interested, just cynical. I've spent a greater portion of this year trying to avoid studio by hiding behind my six other classes, or my job. Incidentally, I think my grades in my other classes are going to turn out pretty well, so much that hopefully I'll make Dean's List again - finally... Hope for the best, work through the crap. That's going to be my motto for a while.

O yes, and I had a super crappy conversation with my mother today where she basically told me, yet again, that I should stop wasting my time with my boyfriend. I don't think she realizes how I find that grossly offensive and that whenever she mentions it, I just decide that I'm not going to listen to another word she says. I hate how she's racist.