I have come to equate my room as a place of sadness. Studio is a place of frustration.
As you can see, I have once again receded back to a state of perpetual depression. The reason? I've come to realize that I am a very selfish and jealous person. I can't share certain things. And also, I've come to realize that a person who I was interested in is definitely not the one for me. We are too much alike and what we want are too different. I don't even have to speak with him to know this. I know, and I will be the one to break it off - or that is, try to make something of nothing - so he doesn't have to worry about hurting my feelings. And so, another avenue to feeling - not loved, nor cared for - something in between - has died. At least I learned something from this and as soon as I am out of my room or studio and somewhere in the world, I will meet new people and start afresh.
Right now, however, I very much want to talk to someone who will understand and not judge, but she isn't here right now.